Teetering on the edge… identity, self, being here now… so precious, so fragile… the slightest breeze, and your GONE. The protections, the self, those around you, who you thought you are, were, gone… to be replaced by ANYTHING. Are “you” now a chipmunk, a rock, that “weirdness” you were afraid of in other people? Now you become all of that. All that you held sacred, gone too, nothing there, total loss.
How often have you experienced something like this? A profound death, a deep, overwhelming explosion into your psyche, your emotions ill equipped to handle the overload and rapid changing flux of ontological warpage? A whiteout void into total oblivion and/or timeless eternity….
Coalescing out of the timeless whiteness, a sacred breath, a touch of grace perhaps, an emergence of something altogether new, different, alive, glorious, with memories, a past, present and future once again. How weird is that? Archetypes abound, a wizard or an elf perhaps? A feeling of empowerment. For you have gone to the netherworld and returned a hero! A celebration is in order, a round of drinks for your comrades in arms, a fellowship indeed. Ground control to major tom, your home, welcome back!
But that thought lingers in your mind, “back to what?” Is this my life, have I returned or is this my first time here with memories implanted or inherited? Does it matter? Can I do anything about it anyway? Is the solution to kick warp drive back into high gear again? I don’t know. What I have learned is that all the warp drive in the world won’t change this basic buckaroo banzai fact, “wherever you go, there you are”. You can try, so many have tried, to escape the tyranny of the self. Yet, there is this something, Hindu’s call it karma, that keeps bring you back here. And somehow, the more you avoid the here and now, the more you are missing the one thing, the body-being, present moment at the crossroads of spirit and matter, your bodyship that is in fact the very wellspring of the liberation you seek.
Ok, so you hope you took on a better birth than the one before, but you also suspect this time you might have taken on a stray passenger, an alien, or sub-daemon now working its way into the engine room of your root metaprograms. Are you going to be alright with this? Do you have a choice? If we are a collection of programs, and our free-will magickal skills are not all there cracked up to be, what choices do we really have? This is the dilemma, the existential angst, the harrowing horror that you glimpsed on the way out and the way back in. But wait!
The Buddhist say that all of this, all of the programs, metaprograms, crazy out of your mind stuff, the chaos under the hood, it’s all an illusion. What is a seeker supposed to do? Desperate times call for desperate measures. My god, why have you forsaken me? LOVE!
Feel. What you can always do, what you always have a choice to do each and every moment is feel. Feeling is healing. Feel ALL of it, surrender to it. It is in that feeling, that being there for yourself, that healing, true unconditional love truly begins. I can’t say it’s going to be easy. I can’t say what kind of rebirth you are now in, or what it portends, there is no way to know. This is the same for everyone. Too little time to envy those who “seem” to have it altogether, who seem to have everything. Envy gets you nowhere. Perhaps they are none of those things. You are what you are, right here, right now, in this moment, a body inhabiting the physical plane. . Surrender to this moment, the experience of being in a body. You don’t deserve to exist in darkness anymore, but your body knows… Light is right here with you, right now, NO MATTER WHAT ELSE happens, despite the injustice of your situation. Love like there is no tommorow. Love, and you will be set free.